Introducing the Family Charter
In response to a challenge from ‘Jaypeezee’ in the August ‘Hornbill’,
Felixton College convened a meeting of interested parties at the
Mtunzini Country Club on 23 August. 30 people attended including
parents of learners from Felixton, Grantleigh and Mtunzini Primary
schools, representatives of church youth groups and Round Table and
young people from Mtunzini. Jaypeezee was also there, his name is
Justin Pybus (JP from zini) and his input was crucial to the success of
the meeting.
Ben Brooks outlined the concept of a family charter. This is an approach which is being used successfully in various schools throughout the country. Ken Krige (headmaster of Felixton College) then addressed the meeting on values in education and on the impact which digital technology is having on values in schools and in homes.
The following is a summary of what was covered in the meeting and a proposal for consideration at a follow up meeting.
The invititation to meet asked three questions:
1 Are Mtunzini children ‘fun deprived’ ? That depends on
your definition of fun! Three comments published in the September
edition of the ‘Hornbill’ are critical of JP’s views but we
nevertheless need to listen to what young people feel about ‘fun
facilities’ in our town. This discussion will take place before
the next meeting and a report will then be tabled.
2 Is there a drug problem in Mtunzini ? Yes, as there is in
Empangeni, Richards Bay, Durban, Sandton and virtually every other part
of our country and the world. The drug most commonly abused is
alcohol (but, strangely, that’s not what adults mean when they talk
about drugs!). 17 -19 year olds who were asked to comment on this
question unanimously agreed that the drug problem in Zini is not as bad
as in the bigger towns. However there is no room for complacency
or comfort – the nature of the drugs being taken is much more severe
than a year or two ago.
3 Is there a parenting problem in Mtunzini ? Yes, this was
a central point in the three responses and in JP’s letter.
Parents of High School learners need the ‘shelter of each other’ and
that is what the family charter can provide.
Ben Brooks then introduced the concept of a Family Charter. It has four firm pillars:
1. Getting to know Evron Els. As our children face the many challenges that growing up brings, there are areas where we, their parents and teachers, need to be as informed as possible. The favourite friend of tweenagers (10 – 12 year olds) and teenagers is a lad called Evron Els (as in Evron Els is doing it, so why can’t I ?). Evron Els is at the heart of many conversations in many families. Chidren are subjected to peer pressure, pressure from the media and pressure from other, more sinister sources. Parenting can be a lonely business! Thus parents need their own Evron Els (i.e Evron Els’s parents). They need the chance to speak to other parents about appropriate responses, appropriate rules, and, above all, appropriate values for our children. They may not always agree with one another but they need to be able to respond confidently when told that “all my friends are allowed to do this or that”. They need to know that, when they have to say ‘no’, many other parents hold their views.
2. Recognizing the Myth of Quality Time. All time
spent with our children is quality time. Too many parents wait
for the weekend or the holidays to spend ‘quality time’ with their
children. Communication with youngsters does not happen at
convenient, scheduled intervals. Parent and child need to do
things together, from reading in the younger years to learning games or
doing the chores or renovating a room or discussing TV programmes or
even silent time together. Interests need to be shared and
communicated, informally and un-judgmentally, as often as possible in
bite sized chunks as well as in large portions.
3. Supporting the School. When the school and the
home work together they constitute a powerful force. This is seen
when schools are new and all groups simply have to pull in the same
direction. Yet, in established schools, many parents allow or
even encourage their children to break school rules (as well as the
laws of the land). A Family Charter encourages parents to be in
touch with the school, to offer constructive criticism when necessary,
to support the values of the school and to generate respect for the
code of conduct. This has a positive spin-off in many other areas
of family life.
4. Knowing where a child is. Whatever a child’s age or level of maturity, parents have a right (in fact a duty) to know where s/he goes, who will be there and what sort of parental supervision there will be. Parties without adult supervision should not happen. Young people do not have the maturity to know what to do if things get out of hand without intention or design. Night time visits to shopping malls are very problematic in some school cultures; the purpose and activities of such expeditions need to be established at the outset. But ‘knowing where a child is’ involves so much more and much of this can be fascinating and rewarding. Some examples are:
- In the mid-nineties Mr Graeme Codrington spoke at many schools on Generation X. Many school principals, teachers and parents found these talks very comforting as they came to realize that they were not the only folk who could not understand aspects of modern behaviour. We learned and adapted.
- It is also important to know what most families consider appropriate with regard to use (rather than abuse) of alcohol and to discuss teenagers’ perceptions of dagga.
- The subject of curfews also needs to be discussed in general terms so that particular decisions can be made from an informed point of view.
- Digital technology has revolutionized communication and makes the challenges of parenting even more fascinating. Computers in homes need to be in a place where they can be easily opened and viewed. There are extremely damaging and dangerous sites in the ether and parents need to have easy monitoring access to the computer. Similarly, cell phones now have huge capacity. Parents need to know where their children’s virtual visits take them.
Ben Brooks concluded his comments by mentioning his travels to and from
Felixton on the school bus in 2005 and his experiences in teaching part
time at the school. He has gained an insight into the young
people of Mtunzini and has also come to respect them. He then
introduced Ken Krige, who spoke on values in education and,
particularly, on the challenges and the opportunities that digital
technology bring to value-based education.
In conclusion, the meeting discussed steps that need to be taken to
assist parents and children to have even more ‘fun’ in Mtunzini and to
ensure that the ‘fun’ is healthy. It was agreed that a follow up
meeting should be called and that specific suggestions should be
debated at that meeting.
The follow up meeting will be held at the Country Club on Tuesday 2
October from 18h00 until 19h00. The meeting
will:
1. Discuss the formation of a Family Charter which will involve
monthly meetings of one hour as well as a website which will offer a
range of information on issues relating to parenting.
2. Consider what young people (ages 15 to 18) feel is needed to
improve recreational facilities in Mtunzini and discuss whether these
perceived needs can be met.
3. Plan enhanced play-park facilities for young children in our village.
Although this concept has been initiated by Felixton College we
earnestly hope that the meeting will be attended by a range of people
who represent various groups in Mtunzini. If you would like to
play an active role please contact Ben Brooks on 035 340 1296 or 084
779 7368
